5 Things Not to Say to a Single Mom

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I am not going to lie and say that being a single Mom is the worst thing ever…it’s not.  It does have it’s perks, sometimes.  But there are definitely more times than other that I struggle and it’s hard.  Having a partner there that it there to help me through the tough times would be a blessing.  So needless to say, when some of my fellow Mom’s with partner’s make comments about how hard they have it, it doesn’t always sit well with me.   Sometimes it is me being oversensitive but sometimes it’s they really don’t think about it from my perspective.  I am not trying to be over critical of 2 parent families, nor am I saying “oh woe is me”.  Things are just different and not always in a good way when your a single parent.

So, here is my list of 5 things you really shouldn’t say to a single Mom.

  1.  Must be nice to have all that free time when you child is at his Father’s.  – Sure, there are times when having that bit of break is nice.  I will not deny that.    But it’s not like we are off partying the whole time and living it up.  No, it means coming home to an empty house, and having to do everything on your own to maintain the household and being alone most of the time. I totally understand that families don’t get the luxury of having that break to catch up on chores, but there are 2 instead of one to get things done and they have each other to count on.  And truth be told, I would give up that free time in a heartbeat given the opportunity.
  2. My husband is away for the weekend, so I am “single Momming it”.  No, you are not a single Mom.  Not even close.  At the end of that weekend, your husband will return and so will his help, his companionship, his help making ends meet and his support.  So for 2 days, you will have to do it all on your own but that is it…2 days.  This one really frustrates me.   If I can full time single Mom it, you can do it for 2 days.  It won’t be sunshine and unicorns the whole time but you can do it.
  3. My husband is being a pain in the ass , you’re lucky to be single.  Really, I am lucky?  Not quite sure I see it that way.  Being single, means coming home to an empty house some days, no adult to talk to after the kids are put to bed, no shoulder to cry on when having a bad day, no one to help pay the mortgage, the bills and put food on the table or clothing on your kids back.  It’s just me.  Sure I have friends, but trust me, it’s not the same.
  4. Why don’t you go out more?  I guess this really depends on the context of this statement.  If it means dating, well, when you are a 40 something Mom looking to date a 40 something man, a lot of the time said man comes with children of his own.  That means a virtual scheduling nightmare.  I am not about to give up time with my child for a person I have just met and I don’t expect them to do that either.  And if they do, is that the type of person I want to be with? No.  And if they mean just going out for the evening, again most times it is a scheduling nightmare. Most of my friends are married with kids and that involves arranging babysitters or convincing their hubby to stay home with the kids and truth be told, at this age, we aren’t partying until all hours of the night people.
  5. My kids are with me 24/7 and it drives me crazy.  This is the one that drives me the most crazy.  Anyone who know me, knows I never signed up to be a “part time parent”.  When I had my son, I never thought I would only see him 50% of his life.  I miss his kisses, his hugs, certain holidays,  some milestones and it kills me.  I would give my right arm to have my child with me 24/7 but I don’t get that luxury.  So when I hear other Moms’ complain about it, I want them to take a step or 2 in my shoes and see if that is really the life they want.

I am sure some of you will read this and roll your eyes and think that I am just whining about my bad luck.  That is not it at all.  Being a single Mom is tough but when I do have my son, I get quality one on one time that I don’t think I would be able to cherish and enjoy as much as I do if I was in a different situation. But I don`t get to choose what time I get to spend with him and what event/milestones, etc that I get to be present for, that has been chosen for me.  It’s hard but I know this has made me a much stronger, independent woman.  But what bothers me is when people see single parenting as somewhat of a luxury or treat or when they complain about being able to be in every part of their children’s’ lives.  It’s just my 2 cents.

2 comments

  1. Mom Cafe says:

    You are doing a great job! I was raised by a single mom who did it all. We rarely left as we didn’t see our father regularly and I now haven’t seen him more than twice in 25 years. I know it wasn’t easy and later on your son will appreciate you that much more. You are a greatly dedicated Mom!

    In our house we have defined our roles differently but after 18 years together we do what works for us and not what society thinks is best. I am grateful.

    I understand how hard it would be to miss things. My mom missed most of my stuff growing up, my grandparents were always there, but she had to work to feed and clothe 3 kids. This has made me not want to miss anything and I go to great lengths to ensure such.

    Life is a difficult balance no matter what our situations. I also want to recognize that although you do have him only 50% of the time, he is lucky to have his father the other 50%. Too many kids aren’t given two parents to love and your compromise on that situation (and rocking it) shows how much you are giving your child even when you arent with him.

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